"I'm gettin' tired of guys who smoke pipes. When are they gonna outlaw this shit? Guy with a fuckin' pipe! It's an arrogant thing to place a burning barrier between you and the rest of the world. It's supposed to imply thoughtfulness or intelligence. It's not intelligent to stand around with a controlled fire sticking out of your mouth. I say, "Hey, professor! You want somethin' hot to suck on? Call me! I'll give ya somethin' to put in your mouth!" I think these pipe-smokers oughta just move to the next level and go ahead and suck a dick. There's nothing wrong with suckin' dicks. Men do it, women do it; can't be all bad if everybody's doin' it. I say, Drop the pipe, and go to the dick! That's my advice. I'm here to help."

THINGS YOU NEVER HEAR: 'Please stop sucking my dick or I'll call the police.

You are sitting and smoking; you believe that you are sitting in your pipe, and that <i>your pipe</i> is smoking <i>you</i>; you are exhaling <i>yourself</i> in bluish clouds. You feel just fine in this position, and only one thing gives you worry or concern: how will you ever be able to get out of your pipe?

Don´t be a dick

It's just a penis, right? Probably no worse for you than smoking.

Wil Wheaton Says: Don't be a dick.

Don't touch my dick, don't touch my knife.

There is nothing wrong with smokin a little fun stuff and playing your drums naked at night in your own home; who do they think they are comin in your house like that?!

Just think of dick as pussy on a stick.

In some company it’s perfectly all right to prick your finger, but very bad form to finger your prick.

f a group of guys are hanging around and one guy is doing coke, he’ll say, ‘Take a hit. You’ll feel like a new man.’ He’s right; the problem is that once you feel like a new man, that new man wants a hit so he can feel like a new man. And that goes on and on until the coke runs out, and you’re broke.

The worst kind of non-smokers are the ones that come up to you and cough. That's pretty fucking cruel isn't it? Do you go up to cripples and dance too?

I smoke. If this bothers anyone, I suggest you look around at the world in which we live and shut your fuckin' mouth.

I hate it when men go to strip bars. It lowers the rest of us that know if a man has to pay to see a woman naked, he is a loser and probably should get weeded out.