People ask me all the time, “How many people have you killed?” My standard response is, “Does the answer make me less, or more, of a man?

I don’t want to punish anybody, but there are an extraordinary number of people who I might want to kill.

To die laughing must be the most glorious of all glorious deaths!

The number is not important to me. I only wish I had killed more. Not for bragging rights, but because I believe the world is a better place without savages out there taking American lives. Everyone I shot in Iraq was trying to harm Americans or Iraqis loyal to the new government.

I loved killing bad guys.

It kills me sometimes, how people die.

When I think about myself, I almost laugh myself to death, My life has been one great big joke, A dance that’s walked, A song that’s spoke, I laugh so hard I almost choke, When I think about myself.

But I wondered, how would I feel about killing someone? Now I know. It’s no big deal.

Il faut qu'il ait tué bien des gens pour s'être fait si riche.

I am the best-natured creature in the world, and yet I have already killed three, and of these three two were priests.

The man who kills a man kills a man.
The man who kills himself kills all men.
As far as he is concerned, he wipes out the world.

"I forgot that's what gets you all hot and bothered, Jace, girls killing things."
"I like anyone killing things, especially me." he said with a smile.

When the crowd is with you, the jokes are fresh, your timing is just right, and the moon is in the seventh house and Jupiter aligns with Mars. You are exactly where you should be, and there is nothing better. Comedy is a rare gift from the gods, an awesome invention. It propels you right into the heart of the universe.

No wonder all the great comedians had such destructive private lives. Lenny Bruce had to shoot up, Richard Pryor had to freebase. Sam Kinison was just as abusive towards himself as he was to the crowd. After you get the audience into that kind of frenzy, and you are being worshiped like the false idol you are, how do you leave the stage and transition back into real life? How can you just come down? How can you ease back into mortality? What will you do for an encore? What is there left to do but set yourself on fire?

<i>Whenever we kill, we kill a part of ourselves.</i>