Unhealthy love is based on two people trying to escape their problems through their emotions for each other — in other words, they're using each other as an escape. Healthy love is based on two people acknowledging and addressing their own problems with each other's support. ...The mark of an unhealthy relationship is when two people who try to solve each other's problems in order to feel good about themselves. Rather, a healthy relationship is when two people solve their own problems in other to feel good about each other.

The difference between a healthy and an unhealthy relationship comes down to two things: 1) how well each person in the relationship accepts responsibility, and 2) the willingness of each person to both reject and be rejected by their partner.

in relationships, it is important to understand that the other person cannot fix your emotional problems. at best they can support you as you uncover and process your own emotional history.

a healthy relationship is when two people equally take turns being the one who steps up when the other is going through a turbulent moment each is capable of listening and holding space each is self-aware enough to check in with themselves and not project onto the other

I believe that it is impossible for two individuals not committed to their own and each other’s well being to sustain a healthy and enduring relationship.

In an unhealthy relationship with control issues, the unspoken attitude is, “Here is perfect (hand held high) and here is you (hand held low). I'm going to devote my time and energy to pointing out the difference.

The purpose of a relationship is not to fix us, or heal us, or to make us whole and happy; it is to show us where we need fixing and what parts of us are still broken, and perhaps the most brutal of all: that nobody can do this work, or make us happy, but ourselves.

If you are forming relationships to seek happiness – you trying to squeeze happiness out of someone and that person trying to squeeze happiness out of you – this is going to be a painful relationship after some time.

Whatever your problems are, the concept is the same: solve problems; be happy. Unfortunately,
for many people, life doesn’t feel that simple. That’s because they fuck things up in at least one of two
ways:
1. Denial. Some people deny that their problems exist in the first place. And because they deny
reality, they must constantly delude or distract themselves from reality. This may make them feel
good in the short term, but it leads to a life of insecurity, neuroticism, and emotional repression.
2. Victim Mentality. Some choose to believe that there is nothing they can do to solve their
problems, even when they in fact could. Victims seek to blame others for their problems or blame
outside circumstances. This may make them feel better in the short term, but it leads to a life of
anger, helplessness, and despair.

Picture your ideal love relationship. Does it involve perfect compatibility — no disagreements, no compromises, no hard work? Please think again. In every relationship, issues arise. Try to see them from a growth mindset: Problems can be a vehicle for developing greater understanding and intimacy. Allow your partner to air his or her differences, listen carefully, and discuss them in a patient and caring manner. You may be surprised

Why do people persist in an unsatisfying relationship, unwilling either to work toward solutions or end it and move on? It’s because they know changing will lead to the unknown, and most people believe that the unknown will be much more painful than what they’re already experiencing. It’s like the old proverbs say: “Better the devil you know than the devil you don’t know,

Satisfied needs produce fulfilled people, and fulfilled people are free to pursue and exercise their full potential as human beings. The primary goal, then, in any relationship should be the meeting of needs. We should not concentrate so much on meeting our own needs, but those of the other person in the relationship. A good test for the health of a relationship is to ask ourselves periodically whose needs we are meeting, ours or theirs? If we are focusing on our needs, the relationship is in trouble. In successful, healthy relationships, both parties put a priority on meeting the needs of the other.

يقوم الحب غير الصحي على وجود شخصين يحاولان الهرب من مشكلاتهما عن طريق العواطف والمشاعر تجاه أحدهما الآخر . وبكلمات أخرى، يستخدم كل منهما الآخر مهربًا له . أما الحب الصحي فهو قائم على وجود شخصين يعرف كل منهما مشكلاته ويقر بها ويتعامل معها بمعونة من الشخص الآخر .

You don’t have to solve problems for others. You can let them be uncomfortable.