You want to give him the book of his own life, the book that will locate him, parent him, arm him for the changes.

As the uneasiness and reluctance to face it cut him off more and more from all real happiness, and as habit renders the pleasures the vanity and excitement and flippancy at once less pleasant and harder to forgo...you will find that anything or nothing is sufficient to attract his wandering attention. You no longer need a good book, which he really likes, to keep him from his prayers or his work or his sleep; a column of advertisements in yesterday's paper will do. You can make him waste his time not only in conversation he enjoys with people whom he likes, but also in conversations with those he cares nothing about, on subjects that bore him. You can make him do nothing at all for long periods. You can keep him up late at night, not roistering, but staring at a dead fire in a cold room. All the healthy and outgoing activities which we want him to avoid can be inhibited and nothing given in return, so that at last he may say...'I now see that I spent most my life doing in doing neither what I ought nor what I liked.

The only way to know the truth is to witness him make choices under pressure to take one action or another in the pursuit of his desire.

Man will become better when you show him what he is like.

If one man does not make a move, the other must, and by permitting the adversary to make the attack one learns something about him.

When you know what a man wants you know who he is, and how to move him.

Find out what a person fears most and that is where he will develop next.

Begin by seizing something which your opponent holds dear; then he will be amenable to your will.

But you must give him some sign, some sign that you love him... or he'll never be a man. All his life he'll feel guilty and alone unless you release him.

When a man is pushed, tormented, defeated, he has a chance to learn something.

Nothing will shake a man-or at any rate a man like me-out of his merely verbal thinking and his merely notional beliefs. He has to be knocked silly before he comes to his senses. Only torture will bring out the truth. Only under torture does he discover it himself.

revealing the inner state of his personality, and

He is strong enough to stand exposed, revealing all that is vulnerable within him. He is brave enough to invite you ever closer. If you hurt him, he will withdraw, as he must, and that path to him will be thereafter for ever sealed. But he begins with the gift of himself. What the other does with it defines the future of that particular relationship.

Stir opponents up, making them respond to you; then you can observe their forms of behavior, and whether they are orderly or confused.