That’s really what grief has taught me. That I can survive. I used to be afraid that if I experienced grief it would overcome me and I wouldn’t be able to survive the flood of it, that if I actually felt it I wouldn’t be able to get back up. It’s taught me that I can feel it and it won’t swallow me whole. But we come from a culture where we think people have to be strong. I’m a big believer in being vulnerable, open to grief. That is strength. You can’t know joy unless you know profound sadness. They don’t exist without each other.

Even when you are happy to see your friends again and laugh at their jokes, the relief is mixed with sadness and, maybe, guilt.

If we see the past in a bad light, as lacking purpose or meaning, we plant the seeds that will grow into similar futures.