Hunger not to have, but to be

I always wanted something more, something else, and if I got it I wanted the next thing, and there was always something to want. Craving gnawed at me. I wanted things so badly, with a desire that was so sharp it gouged me, and the process of wanting often took up far more time and imaginative space than the actual person, place, or thing, or the imaginary thing possessed more power than the real one.

"Like all human beings, like me, like us, they wished for what they did not have. "I am alone and I want what I have not and what I shall never have." It is by this need that people live, and by this need that people die."

We always long for the forbidden things, and desire what is denied us

Tired of myself longing for what I have not

People want what they can’t have. People want what other people want. People want things only a select few have access to.

When one does not have what one wants, one must want what one has.

And suddenly I was seized with a desire, a craving, something more furious and more imperious than I had ever felt before — to live! I want to live! I will live. I clenched my teeth, my hands, concentrated my whole being in this wild, grief-stricken endeavour towards existence.

From my heart comes out and dances the image of my own desire. The gleaming vision flits on. I try to clasp it firmly, it eludes me and leads me astray. I seek what I cannot get, I get what I do not seek.

Desire is craving enough to sacrifice for

The life around me was not meaningful. I always longed to be away from it, and always had done. So the life I led was not my own. I tried to make it mine, this was my struggle, because of course I wanted it, but I failed, the longing for something else undermined all my efforts.

A wild longing for strong emotions and sensations seethes in me, a rage against this toneless, flat, normal and sterile life.

And if all that is meaningless, I want to be cured
Of a craving for something I cannot find And of the shame of never finding it.

I did not myself know what I wanted: I feared life, desired to escape from it, yet still hoped something of it.