I prayed to the whole wide universe and hoped that God would be in it, listening to me. I prayed and prayed, and then I faltered. Not because I couldn't find God, but because suddenly I absolutely did: God was there, I realized, and God had no intention of making things happen or not, of saving my mother's life. God was not a granter of wishes. God was a ruthless bitch.

God is not a granter of wishes. God is a ruthless bitch.

Some people talk about “finding God,” but that seemed like a severely inaccurate description of what I was experiencing. It felt more like God was finding me. He wasn’t the lost one — I was. I

I found god in myself and I loved her / I loved her fiercely

Whatever happened to God's justice? I am convinced that God exist and God is one asshole.

وفي تلك اللحظة عرفت أن الله موجود وأنه يحبني.

"I searched for God among the Christians and on the Cross and therein I found Him not.
I went into the ancient temples of idolatry; no trace of Him was there.
I entered the mountain cave of Hira and then went as far as Qandhar but God I found not.
With set purpose I fared to the summit of Mount Caucasus and found there only 'anqa's habitation.
Then I directed my search to the Kaaba, the resort of old and young; God was not there even.
Turning to philosophy I inquired about him from ibn Sina but found Him not within his range.
I fared then to the scene of the Prophet's experience of a great divine manifestation only a "two bow-lengths' distance from him" but God was not there even in that exalted court.
Finally, I looked into my own heart and there I saw Him; He was nowhere else."

If you think God’s there, He is. If you don’t, He isn’t. And if that’s what God’s like, I wouldn’t worry about it.

I will have nothing to do with a God who cares only occasionally. I need a God who is with us always, everywhere, in the deepest depths as well as the highest heights. It is when things go wrong, when good things do not happen, when our prayers seem to have been lost, that God is most present. We do not need the sheltering wings when things go smoothly. We are closest to God in the darkness, stumbling along blindly.

At a certain point, I just felt, you know, God is not looking for alms, God is looking for action.

I wrenched DOG backwards to find GOD; now GOD barks.

He finally understood that God's presence was everywhere, at all times, and was experienced by everyone at one time or another.

To really find God is to search for him not only in ourselves, not only in our loved ones, not only in our neighbors, not only in the strangers that we encounter, but ultimately in our enemies as well.

I went mad, a god hurt me, I fell.