Matthew Hussey

In love, we don’t need everyone to want us. We only need one person.

By the way, when a woman does move slower, the guy’s inclination will be to move faster. He’ll wonder why she’s just going with the flow and not pushing him toward commitment. The perceived challenge increases as he wonders what he needs to do to make her want only him. Her perceived value increases as he sees that she’s more discerning than to just rush into commitment with someone who hasn’t really gone out of his way for her yet. He now begins to work for her. As we know, everyone values what they work for, and this valuing continues once they get what they want.

In this way, curiosity helps you step out of fear, and by doing so you rob the thing you’re afraid of of the power it has over you.

But there’s another way to look at it. Consider this: the pain doesn’t come from losing your soul mate, but from the disappointment that this guy wasn’t your soul mate. It’s sad, but it’s not catastrophic. And if you look at it this way — that in some regard, he failed to live up to your values and standards, so how could he have been your soul mate? — the pain is likely to be less severe. I don’t mean to minimize the amount it hurts. I’ve been there, believe me. But by grieving only for your disappointment and dashed expectations, you allow yourself to remain open to the next guy who comes along. It’s a much more manageable type of pain. We can now say more easily, “Although I’m hurt right now, this person wasn’t right for me. Now I can allow myself to find the right person.” This might sound like a small difference, but just allowing ourselves to take on this more correct understanding of what has happened can free us to move forward.

Learning and practicing the art of creating rather than waiting; throwing the net wide in order to meet a lot of people, men and women alike, who will enrich your life; operating from a mindset of abundance, not scarcity; developing and adhering to the attributes of a woman of high value; upholding your own standards; understanding that you are in control of your own choices — these skills strengthen your sense of self-worth and will improve all areas of your life. It’s the project of a lifetime.

Ordinary things done consistently produce extraordinary results.

Certainty turns out to be one of the sexiest qualities you can possess.

It’s OK to be disappointed that someone didn’t turn out to be the one. But don’t grieve as if they were the one. If they didn’t choose you, they’re not.

The days of me getting excited about someone who’s not excited about me are over. I can’t find the energy to get excited about someone who doesn’t want me. If someone doesn’t want me, it kills it for me, because I know this person will make me so unhappy.

Uncertain people are followers, looking to others for approval. Frightened to say what they feel in case others don’t feel the same, they adapt to fit in with everyone else.

If you’re older, you can play two cards: you bring a level of maturity and knowledge of the world and life (and sex, by the way) that a guy might not be able to get with a younger woman, and you also demonstrate youthful qualities like a desire for fun and adventure. This is a powerful and sexy combination of traits. Men aren’t attracted to young women, they are attracted to youth-fulness. Youth is something we do, not something we are.

Many women worry that there's too much competition out there. If you find yourself falling into this trap I want to remind you of something: most women aren't doing anything to find the guy, so they're not competing with you. They are either hanging out at home on their Facebook page or out with their friends talking about how there are no guys out there.

The best life is one in which we’re excited to wake up in the morning. When we have that, we ‘win’ no matter what happens in our love lives. With or without a person to share it with, we have a passionate, fun, exciting and emotionally fulfilling existence. Whatever happens, we become extraordinary, and the truth becomes clear: we don’t enter relationships hoping to create an amazing existence, we come to them to share one with someone else.

The fantasy of what someone might be like when we talk to them online is meaningless unless we actually progress to the point of meeting them.

A woman of integrity doesn’t compromise what she believes in simply in order to seek approval from others, nor does she let bad behavior slide in order to try to fit in.