Erich Fromm

Love is the only sane and satisfactory answer to the problem of human existence.

The outer chains have simply been put inside of man. The desires and thoughts that the suggestion apparatus of society fills him with, chain him more thoroughly than outer chains.

One cannot be deeply responsive to the world without being saddened very often.

To die is poignantly bitter, but the idea of having to die without having lived is unbearable.

If I love the other person, I feel one with him or her, but with him as he is, not as I need him to be as an object for my use. Respect thus implies the absence of exploitation: it allows the other to be, to change and to develop 'in his own ways.' This requires a commitment to know the other as a separate being, and not merely as a reflection of my own ego. According to Velleman this loving willingness and ability to see the other as they really are is foregrounded in our willingness to risk self-exposure.

Love is possible only if two persons communicate with each other from the center of their existence, hence if each one of them experiences himself from the center of his existence. Only in this “central experience” is human reality, only here is aliveness, only here is the basis for love. Love, experienced thus, is a constant challenge; it is not a resting place, but a moving, growing, working together; even whether there is harmony or conflict, joy or sadness, is secondary to the fundamental fact that two people experience themselves from the essence of their existence, that they are one with each other by being one with themselves, rather than by fleeing from themselves. There is only one proof for the presence of love: the depth of the relationship, and the aliveness and strength in each person concerned; this is the fruit by which love is recognized.

"Infantile love follows the principle: "I love because I am loved."
Mature love follows the principle: "I am loved because I love."
Immature love says: "I love you because I need you."
Mature love says: "I need you because I love you.

One is not loved accidentally; one’s own power to love produces love - just as being interested makes one interesting. People are concerned with the question of whether they are attractive while they forget that the essence of attractiveness is their own capacity to love. To love a person productively implies to care and to feel responsible for his life, not only for his physical existence but for the growth and development of all his human powers. To love productively is incompatible with being passive, with being an onlooker at the loved person’s life; it implies labor and care and the responsibility for his growth.

"بالتطابق مع توقعات الآخرين, بالا يكون الانسان مختلفا, نخرس هذه الشكوك عن ذاتية الانسان ويتم الحصول على امان معين. وعلى اية حال يكون قد دفع الثمن غاليا. ان التنازل عن التلقائية والفردية يفضي الى انجراف الحياة ومن الناحية السيكولوجية ان الانسان الآلي بينما هو حي بيولوجيا هو ميت انفعاليا وذهنيا. بينما هو يقوم بحركات الحياة, فان الحياة تنساب من بين يديه كالرمال. ان الانسان الحديث وراء جبهة من الرضاء والتفاؤل غير سعيد في الاعماق, كحقيقة واقعة, انه على شفا اليأس. انه يتمسك يائسا بفكرة التفردية, انه يريد ان يكون "مختلفا" وليست لديه توصية اكثر من قوله:" ان الامر مختلف". ان الانسان الحديث تواق للحياة, ولكن لما كان انسانا آليا فانه لا يستطيع ان يعيش الحياة بمعنى النشاط التلقائي الذي يتخذه ويحله محل اي نوع من الاضطرابات او الاثارة: اثارة السكر والرياضة والمعايشة العنيفة لاضطرابات الاشخاص الخياليين على شاشة السينما."

There is perhaps no phenomenon which contains so much destructive feeling as 'moral indignation,' which permits envy or hate to be acted out under the guise of virtue.

Our whole culture is based on the appetite for buying, on the idea of a mutually favorable exchange. Modern man's happiness consists in the thrill of looking at the shop windows, and in buying all that he can afford to buy, either for cash or on installments. He (or she) looks at people in a similar way. For the man an attractive girl — and for the woman an attractive man — are the prizes they are after. 'Attractive' usually means a nice package of qualities which are popular and sought after on the personality market. What specifically makes a person attractive depends on the fashion of the time, physically as well as mentally. During the twenties, a drinking and smoking girl, tough and sexy, was attractive; today the fashion demands more domesticity and coyness. At the end of the nineteenth and the beginning of this century, a man had to be aggressive and ambitious — today he has to be social and tolerant — in order to be an attractive 'package'. At any rate, the sense of falling in love develops usually only with regard to such human commodities as are within reach of one's own possibilities for exchange. I am out for a bargain; the object should be desirable from the standpoint of its social value, and at the same time should want me, considering my overt and hidden assets and potentialities. Two persons thus fall in love when they feel they have found the best object available on the market, considering the limitations of their own exchange values. Often, as in buying real estate, the hidden potentialities which can be developed play a considerable role in this bargain. In a culture in which the marketing orientation prevails, and in which material success is the outstanding value, there is little reason to be surprised that human love relations follow the same pattern of exchange which governs the commodity and the labor market.

We forget that, although each of the liberties which have been won must be defended with utmost vigour, the problem of freedom is not only a quantitative one, but a qualitative one; that we not only have to preserve and increase the traditional freedom, but that we have to gain a new kind of freedom, one which enables us to realize our own individual self; to have faith in this self and in life.

The only truly affluent are those who do not want more than they have.

I cannot know who I am, because I don't know which part of me is not me.

Mother's love is peace. It need not be acquired, it need not be deserved.