Is the glass half full, or half empty? It depends on whether you're pouring, or drinking.

I am proud to be an American. Because an American can eat anything on the face of this earth as long as he has two pieces of bread.

The main goal of the future is to stop violence. The world is addicted to it.

I'm not the boss of my house. I don't know how I lost it, I don't know when I lost it, I don't really think I ever had it. But I've seen the boss's job...and I don't want it!

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The essence of childhood, of course, is play, which my friends and I did endlessly on streets that we reluctantly shared with traffic.

If you want to be seen, stand up.
If you want to be heard, speak up.
If you want to be appreciated, shut up.

A pelican that is wet walks with a gaited limp, and the dry fish swims alone.

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Through humor, you can soften some of the worst blows that life delivers. And once you find laughter, no matter how painful your situation might be, you can survive it.

You can turn painful situations around through laughter. If you can fi nd humor in anything,
even poverty, you can survive it.

"Suddenly, this romantic agony was enriched by a less romantic one: I had to go to the bathroom. Needless to say, I couldn't let her know about this urge, for great lovers never did such things. The answer to "Romeo Romeo, wherefore art thou, Romeo?" was not "In the men's room, Julie.